Relationship OCD Therapy in NYC
I offer psycotherapy for ROCD (Relationship OCD), available in person in Midtown Manhattan or virtually across New York State.
Do I love them enough? Have I ever been in love at all? Are we compatible? What if I'm settling? What if there's someone better for me? Is my friend’s relationship more healthy? What if I'm making a mistake?
These questions can feel incredibly real. And the more you try to find certainty, the more questions seem to appear.
This can sometimes (not always!) be a sign of Relationship OCD (ROCD), a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder involving persistent doubts and fears about a romantic relationship.
ROCD therapy
I offer therapy for ROCD (Relationship OCD), an evidence-based approach to treating the cycle of obsessive thoughts, anxiety, and compulsive behaviors that can keep relationship doubts going.
We’ll work on recognizing the patterns that maintain ROCD, including reassurance-seeking, checking your feelings, comparing your relationship to others, mentally reviewing your relationship, seeking certainty, and repeatedly analyzing whether you should stay or leave.
I use evidence-based approaches for OCD, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), to help you respond differently to obsessive doubts without relying on compulsions to feel certain.
At the same time, I want therapy to go beyond just managing symptoms. We’ll explore what ROCD looks like for you, how it affects your daily life, and how anxiety and uncertainty may be influencing the way you experience closeness and connection.
We will also work on developing greater tolerance for uncertainty and learning to distinguish between making relationship decisions from a place of values and making them from a place of fear.
What can Relationship OCD look like?
Constantly questioning whether you truly love your partner
Wondering whether you're “in love enough”
Analyzing how you feel when you're with your partner versus when you're apart
Checking your feelings for your partner to see if they feel “right” or strong enough
Wondering whether you should feel more excited, passionate, or sexually attracted to your partner
Comparing your relationship to other couples
Comparing your partner's appearance, personality, or qualities to other people
Focusing intensely on your partner's flaws or noticing things that suddenly bother you
Paying close attention to how you feel when your partner kisses, touches, or shows affection toward you
Questioning whether you feel differently toward your partner on some days than others
Worrying that changes in your feelings mean something is wrong with the relationship
Searching online for answers about whether your relationship is “right” or whether your feelings are normal
Asking friends, family, your partner, or a therapist for reassurance about your relationship
Replaying conversations, dates, or moments together to figure out what you “really” felt
Mentally reviewing past relationships or experiences to determine whether you felt more strongly before
Testing your feelings by imagining breaking up, being with someone else, or your partner being with someone else
Trying to force yourself to feel more love, attraction, excitement, or certainty
Wondering whether thoughts about breaking up mean you secretly want to leave
Feeling unable to make a decision about your relationship because you need to be completely sure
Avoiding intimacy, affection, dates, or conversations because you’re afraid they will trigger more doubts
Feeling guilty because you think you “should” feel more strongly about your partner
Worrying that you are settling, that someone better might be out there, or that you chose the wrong person
Feeling consumed by relationship doubts even when there is no obvious problem in the relationship
Having occasional doubts about a relationship is normal. ROCD is different when these doubts become repetitive, difficult to control, and interfere with your ability to be present in the relationship or make decisions.
Frequently Asked Questions about Relationship OCD
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Yes. I offer individual therapy for Relationship OCD to clients in NYC. If you're struggling with persistent relationship doubts, intrusive thoughts, or compulsive checking and reassurance-seeking, a free 15-minute consultation is a chance to talk about what you're experiencing and see whether we're a good fit.
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Relationship doubts are common, but ROCD involves a recurring pattern of intrusive doubts and anxiety that can lead to repeated checking, analyzing, comparing, or seeking reassurance. If you're spending significant amounts of time trying to figure out how you feel about your partner or whether your relationship is “right,” it may be worth exploring in therapy.
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Our work will focus on understanding the specific cycle you're caught in and what keeps it going. Together, we'll identify patterns such as reassurance-seeking, checking your feelings, comparing, mental reviewing, or repeatedly analyzing your relationship. We'll work on changing how you respond to intrusive thoughts and uncertainty rather than continually trying to answer every doubt.
I also take time to understand you as a whole person, not just your ROCD symptoms. We can explore how anxiety, attachment patterns, past relationships, and your experiences with closeness and uncertainty may intersect with what you're experiencing now.
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ROCD is a form of OCD, and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is an evidence-based treatment for OCD. When appropriate, I can incorporate ERP-informed strategies into our work, including learning to tolerate relationship uncertainty without engaging in compulsive checking or reassurance-seeking.
The goal isn't to convince yourself that your relationship is right. It's to become less dependent on certainty and more able to experience your thoughts and feelings without feeling compelled to solve them.
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No. Therapy for ROCD isn't about determining whether you love your partner enough or whether you should stay together. Giving you reassurance about those questions could actually reinforce the cycle we're trying to change.
Instead, I'll help you understand why you feel compelled to find an answer and develop ways of responding to uncertainty without repeatedly checking, analyzing, or seeking reassurance.
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This is a common concern. Not every relationship doubt is ROCD, and having ROCD doesn't mean that every concern about your relationship is obsessive.
In therapy, we can look at the difference between recurring obsessive doubt and concerns that may need to be addressed within the relationship itself. The goal isn't to dismiss your concerns as “just OCD,” but to help you understand what's actually happening without getting pulled into endless analysis.
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Reassurance-seeking can become a major part of ROCD. You may repeatedly ask your partner things like, “Do you think we're right for each other?” or “Do you think I really love you?” You might feel better for a short time, only to find yourself needing reassurance again.
In therapy, we'll work on understanding this pattern and gradually reducing your reliance on reassurance while building your ability to tolerate uncertainty.
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That's completely okay and normal. You don't have to commit to ongoing therapy just because you're thinking about reaching out.
I offer a free 15-minute consultation where you can tell me a little about what's been going on, ask questions, and get a sense of whether therapy with me feels like the right fit. There's no commitment to continue afterward.
Sometimes taking that first small step is enough to help you figure out what you need.
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Yes. You may compare your partner to other people, your relationship to other couples, or your current feelings to how you felt at the beginning of the relationship. You may also compare your relationship to an imagined “perfect” relationship.
We'll look at what you're hoping to figure out through these comparisons and how comparison may be keeping you stuck in the search for certainty.
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There isn't one timeline for ROCD therapy. It depends on your symptoms, how much they interfere with your life, your goals, and how deeply established the obsessive-compulsive patterns have become.
We'll work together to identify what is most important to address and adjust the focus of therapy as you make progress.
